Posted by: Joe | April 28, 2008

It’s nice how we can still find ways to bond.

Got this IM from my brother today, completely out of the blue:

(12:28:11 PM) CJM: olives are disgusting and should be made extinct.
(12:30:19 PM) Joe: FUCK
(12:30:20 PM) Joe: YES

Maybe he wasn’t adopted after all. I hate olives. Hate. I’ve heard that if you can manage to eat 13 olives in a row, you’ll acquire a taste for them. I wouldn’t know, because I’m not putting another of those nasty little bastards in my mouth.

(1:34:35 PM) Joe: The only problem with our olive genocide plan would be the lack of olive oil. We’ll have to come up with some way to synthesize it.
(1:34:42 PM) Joe: Like ethanol for gasoline.
(1:35:12 PM) CJM: hmm… doesnt really bother me. I’d sacrifice it for the greater good.
(1:35:36 PM) CJM: I don’t eat at the olive garden on principal alone.

OK, that’s going too far. To paraphrase Ben Franklin, The Never-Ending Pasta Bowl is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.



  1. I denounce our blood relations. It’s over.

    If I could, I would fill my six acres with a freaking GROVE of olive trees and then skip from tree to tree during harvest time and eat every last freaking one.

    Olives are god’s gift and Olive Garden is what I imagine heaven to be like: mountains of pasta capped with cheese, “trees” of breadsticks, and “salad” meadows (Although they do chintz on the olives in that salad, I especially like those little hot peppers in the salads… frigging yum).

    CJM, how the beep do you live without olive oil anyway?!

  2. Olives are the puckered sphincter of the fruit food group.

    You know, if you would allow yourself to experience the culinary delights that murder provides, you’d have no need to stick those foul things in everything.

    I consider myself an omnivore. I’ll eat virtually *anything*. I’d go hungry for a damned long time before I ate an olive.

  3. I too hate the olive but love the olive oil. However, my brother loves olives like I love chocolate, so clearly this has divided brothers for untold eons.

    Also: being a snob, I eschew the Olive Garden. I don’t want to eat anywhere that advertises a never-ending anything. Unless it’s chocolate. And then I am all the fuck over it.

  4. <colbert>
    It’s my God-given right to eat as much pasta as I please for $7.95. Why do you hate my freedom?


  5. Oh, you’re free to eat as much of it as you want. I just retain the right to lump you in with the old people who like early bird special buffets at the KMart.

    OK, maybe not that bad. But places like the Olive Garden and Red Lobster give me the heebie-jeebies.

  6. puckered sphincter… that’s so naaasty.

    But I laughed my ass off.

  7. Ha, I was going to finally make a blog update with that conversation, but damnit now I can’t and my blog goes forever abandoned.

    Seriously I don’t care how good Olive Garden is, or how much pasta I can stuff into myself. It ‘ain’t’ gonna happen.

    But Dan’s idea is a good one. If their next marketing campaign showed all their pasta smothered in Chocolate, I’d be second in line behind him.

  8. Wow I just noticed the “possibly related” link above:

    Possibly related posts: (automatically generated)

    (black) race to the white house, part #1

    What the hell does that have to do with Olives? Or am i just a poor carleton county boy that misses this obvious connection?

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